Up until a few months ago I had begun to form the slightly presumptuous and perhaps arrogant viewpoint that although my life was never perfect, I was starting to understand it. My social life, love life and career, whilst never completely smooth were things I felt I had a degree control over and with a bit of careful consideration and guidance I might learn to shape and colour my time here, muddling through the confusing treacle we call....it.
Control and guidance are bullshit. Life threw me a hand grenade and I caught the fucker and held on to it as long as possible. Obviously it blew up and took with it my life as I had come to know it. I guess shit happens huh?....when life gives you lemons....squeeze the bastards into your eyes and cry....HARD. Without going into too much detail, all the things I mentioned earlier (social life, love, career) have sort of disentangled themselves from my knowledge of how things work and I find myself kind of floating around inside a cosmic tumble dryer waiting for someone to press stop and slowly coming to the conclusion that perhaps I never had any control, but had been lucky....for a while.
In order to get my head straight and find out who in the sweet fucking world I am, i'm scooting off to Australia for 3 months. I've never been traveling before....certainly not on my own and certainly not to the opposite side of this green and blue mess. So this, right here, wot you are reading with your eyes and brains is to become my account of my travels, reflections, growth, stupidity and hopefully clarity and strength. I've called it 'Time and Space', cos...
1) That shit governs us all,
2) I need it more now than ever,
3) Since a particularly interesting experience at a festival a few years back, i'm not entirely sure either exists, so expect some inane drivelings on various philiosphies and stuff, or whatever.
I've started my packing up now. Bought a new bag, check. Bought a new gig bag for the 'Fascist killer', check. Camera, check. Ipod, check. Flights, Visa, money (or lack there of), insurance, CHECK!
I'm going to be staying in Melbourne for the first 3 weeks with my wonderful friend of old, Mr Douglas Pope (who coincidentally and somewhat woefully, may, it turns out, have managed to have missed the entirety of my marriage!)....from there who knows what will happen. I will be writing a new piece for brass/wind band during my travels and hope to do some conducting too.... batons and manuscript are never normally far from me, but even thinking about work for the last 6 weeks has been a headfuck!
So, a word to the hypoctrical punk poet! (i've been very good so far and have kept this shit away from the internet, but I believe i'm owed a few words at least, and the person in question could never be so lowly as to read a blog by yours truly anyhow!)....
In a really fucked up way, I guess I have to thank you. Your arrogant, manipulative and morally bankrupt ways have put me on a path I could not have predicted and certainly not one I would have chosen. But, perhaps they have also put me on the first step to taking the power back and going on what might just very well turn out to be the trip of a life time. I would like to say to you that I GOT more LOVE, and for that matter talent, in my little finger than you could ever dream of having. I have integrity and at least the very ability to love, which, it seems, you do not. I, unlike you, see the best in people and do not simply feed off those too innocent or foolish to get too close.
I could list things people 'should' know about you....terrible things....criminal things....(sucks in breath.....thinks better of it and lets breath out again)....but you'll ruin yourself i'm sure. Karma is strong.
So a word to my friends and family, and especially the PJP band (my three oldest friends). I could never thank you all enough for the support, energy and love that has been heaped my way for the last few months. Angelique, you are a genki princess, and have brightened my days no end. I aint gonna name too many names, but many people have given me a shoulder as I have ranted lyrical in the key of E minor, and I love you all. Remember however....i'm not the only one who needs support.
Mikey....once again you have proved yourself to be the best friend a dude could have. Your a real life saver x
So.....ONWARDS and UPWARDS.....to Oz and dont spare the economy class, 22 hour flight, badgers.
Although, this really wasn't something i'd thought about or had planned to do....I know it can only be good for me. I shall keep everyone who's interested (no pressure) up to date on my life and head skills and will try too keep in touch.....I hope y'all do too.
Much love, oh brothers and sisters.
....And So It Goes